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The Grossest Parts of a Healthy Lifestyle

November 16, 2011

**HEADS UP!! This post talks about some gross stuff like bodily functions and fluids. If you’re not into that, go look at this video about Catvertising**

Hey there folks!!

I know I’ve been a bit of a jet setter lately. In fact, I just formally received my A-List Status from Southwest Airlines thanks, in part, to my glorious Chicago trip this weekend!  All that flying can really wear a girl out, though, so I took Monday off from the gym.

Yesterday, I decided to go back and MAN, I was feeling it!  It was sweaty, it was hot (I think NC got up to 77 degrees last night!) and it just felt great.  It got me to thinking a bit, though, about all that goes into this whole “Healthy Living” stuff.  And as much as I wish I could live off cocktails, oysters, and rich scallops every day, the fact of the matter is that I made a conscious decision to live better, be healthier, and that’s what I’ll do (despite the temporary setbacks).  While it’s helped me lose weight and feel awesome, it’s not all glitz and glamor, though. In fact, there are some aspects of “Healthy Living” that are just plain gross.  So I’ve decided to share with you all

The Top 5 Grossest Parts of a Healthy Lifestyle (at least for me)

1. Realization

Afternoon Snack? Why not?

I’ll admit, my former eating habits never felt exactly “healthy” but, most of the time, I just didn’t even think about it.  When you decide to make a change to eating better, though, you have to take stock of what you are eating.  And that initial “stock taking”… to begin with, that’s already pretty gross.

Splitting a large pepperoni pizza used to be the norm. Not a homemade one, either. A greasy, cheesy gooey delivery pizza which left me lazy as a loaf.  The chemicals, the preservatives, the sheer volume of calories and fat that I was putting in my mouth… No wonder I spent the first year after college basically shutting down my body.  In the winter, I hibernated. I was like a chubby bear. The realization of what you put in your body before you decided to take control…. gross, shocking and gross.

2. Fun With Fiber

Sweet Beany Goodness

When I first started Weight Watchers, there was a focus on fiber content in food. It actually went into the equation to figure out the point value of foods. And man, I was all about it. Fiber One cereal, black beans galore, the occasional Metamucil, bran, oats, why not?

Well, as I’m sure some of you are PAINFULLY aware, there’s a song about what happens:

Beans, beans, the magical fruit… the more you eat, the more you poot! (or toot)

Fiber makes you poot. And also, it makes you poop.

There’s no better way to put it. And when my old diet used to consist of carbs on carbs on cheese on carbs, pooping wasn’t exactly something I thought about all the time.

Fiber leads to pooping. And sometimes, that’s gross. Overdo it on fiber, and you may overdo it on pooping. Or at least pooting. And I’m not a doctor or anything, so I don’t have fancy words to say it better than that. Try to find the balance that’s right for you and you can avoid being that stinky (healthy!) person that no one wants to hang out with for fear you’d trample over them on the way to the bathroom.

3. Texture Trouble

Oh yes, they’re oats. (Click on link for Vegan Homemade’s post)

No offense to anyone who loves them, but overnight oats look gross. Chia pudding looks gross.  The texture in some of these healthy foods…. is gross.  Cottage cheese, riced cauliflower, I looked through my photos to see if I had a picture of these from my own files.

I didn’t.

Because they look gross.

The texture of these foods may not be incredibly appealing. That being said, their texture does nothing to detract from their tastiness (though I’m still holding out on cottage cheese). But man, the texture… it took me a while to get over it. Blech.  Oh well.

4. Asparagus Pee

Since I’ve already written about how frequently you pee when you guzzle water like it’s going out of style (as well as some ways to keep yourself busy in the bathroom!), I figured I should focus on another pee-related topic.

Asparagus pee!

I love asparagus.Asparagus is great for detoxifying, it reduces pain and inflammation, can reduce the risk of heart disease, and is just plain good for you.

I love the flavor, I love it roasted, I love it sauteed, I love it steamed, I’ve even had it fried and loved the HECK out of it.  But no matter how you prepare it, the next time you pee, it’s stinky.  It’s a fact of life.  Put asparagus in, get stinky pee out.  Basic math, really.

At the end of the day, though, the benefits of asparagus far outweigh the bummer of asparagus pee.  And really, it’s nothing a quick flush can’t fix.

5. Sweat, baby, sweat, baby!

Drenched

It wasn’t until I started working out REALLY hard that I realized it.

You sweat everywhere!

This is not ground-shaking, mind-boggling news. It’s just that I didn’t really think about it before.  I’ve been to fitness classes where I’m pretty sure my ears have sweat coming from the lobes. For me, the most drenched area (and thus, the stem of my love for capris) is the shin region. I don’t know why, but my shins just pour perspiration. No amount of antiperspirant will prevent me from “pitting out, ” so why bother?  As long as you’re not stinky (does asparagus make your sweat smell , too?) it’s just part of being a human. But group classes and killer workouts have definitely made laundry day come around much more frequently in my household.  An easy price to pay for a fitter future, but gross, nonetheless.

Since I’m not a runner, I’ve never had to deal with bladder control during a race BUT let’s just say that, if peeing your pants is cool, consider Lauren Miles Davis (that’s definitely HER story to share!)

Do you have any particularly gross aspects of your own healthy lifestyle that you’ve learned to embrace?

16 Comments leave one →
  1. November 16, 2011 2:28 pm

    Billy Madison quotes galore today (Stealthy Jess had one). I’m in heaven. ;) Cottage cheese makes my stomach turn just looking at it. Scott’s been trying to get me to taste it for a while, but I haven’t gotten over it yet. Ick!

  2. November 16, 2011 2:29 pm

    HAHA I love this post. All these things are way too true, which is both good and bad. Another thing you didn’t mention is after you eat corn… how it doesn’t necessarily “break down” in digestion. Let’s just say… colorful!

    And one day, you will LOVE cottage cheese. Trust me on this one.

  3. November 16, 2011 3:28 pm

    As long as we’re putting it out there…asparagus used to make my pee smell, but now that I’m pregnant, it doesn’t. What’s up with that? Not that I’m complaining, but that’s weird right?

  4. November 16, 2011 3:29 pm

    I love cottage cheese myself. But I was just thinking about the sweat and the gas when I clicked over here, and you didn’t disappoint! Darned green leafy vegetables :)

  5. November 16, 2011 3:44 pm

    Cottage cheese grosses me out!! Asapargus makes my pee smell and crotch and butt sweat happens and its awkward thank god for black clothing :)

  6. November 16, 2011 6:43 pm

    Fiber bloat! When I eat a boat load of veggies or beans I look and feel like I have a baby. It’s lovely.

  7. November 16, 2011 8:04 pm

    Every single thing is true.. I have especially been affected by the excessive amounts of fiber and water….

  8. Amanda permalink
    November 17, 2011 8:41 pm

    I’m so glad I read this, I thought I was the only one whose shins sweat!!

  9. November 18, 2011 11:13 am

    I love this post!!! When I first started posting, I realized I didn’t want to show everyone my nachos bell grande and quarter pounder with fries, so I made some changes and thankfully now that I’m going to weight watchers, I’ve made real and lasting changes ;) Hahahaha @ the asparagus pee, it shocked me the first time, but I still eat it!!!
    This was the perfect post to read to start my day, thanks!!! Have a great weekend :)

  10. November 18, 2011 1:13 pm

    Oats look like a pile of vom in a bowl and I still eat them every morning. I think it might be a problem.

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