Wow. So once, going through pictures and trying to find the one of me doing yoga at all, I found this one. Taken in Las Vegas, right as I was coming off of a summer of sloth following a wicked lame pre-summer foot break that incapacitated me, right outta college graduation, the caption on facebook of this was “My dream wedding.”
I think, in my mind, the joke was not only “wow, she just got married in the middle of the day, in vegas, in a full wedding gown, and is playing penny slots” but “and also, she is fat.”
However, reflecting on this picture (this was probably the heaviest I’ve ever been in my life) I am blown away by my own appearance. Because, after losing almost 50 lbs, I look at this and think “there are two people in this picture that are overweight, not just one.”
Talk about your belated wake up call…
I have to say, this isn’t a post to call anyone fat (even though I did just say that I considered both people in this image overweight), more to evaluate the change in my thought process. Because honestly, while I was happy as a clam that weekend, I can’t help but think I’d have had such a better time if I were my current weight. And while I didn’t THINK I was overweight at all at this time in my life, it’s like…. wow. Now that I see it having lost the weight, I can’t believe I just allowed myself to have all those extra pounds on my body. I remember once, at a UNC football game, I was loudly cheering for my team, waving my pom poms around like a locopop (GO HEELS!!! TAR HEEL BORN AND TAR HEEL BRED!!) when a random viewer at the game mentioned, off hand to her friend, that I should “calm my fat ass down because it was jiggling in [her] face”. That hurt. That hurt, so friggin’ much (I’d say another f word, but I’m unsure if wordpress monitors these supah hard.) I think that was the first time I thought to myself, “Wow. This whole ‘being overweight’ thing is miserable, horrible, and people mock you for it.” At the time, I was a happy, fun-loving UNC student, who got hit on a lot (just saying, for a while, that’s how I measured my self-worth) and looked sexy in clothes (in my opinion at the time.) How the HELL could some girl call me a fat ass? Well, now, looking back, I see it, and I believe I might think the same thing about old me now a-days. That’s harsh, right? Jeez. But I’m… just being honest. (Andre 3000, 2003).
The change is monumental. And my life has just changed so much.
I think about my health, my weight, my diet, my fitness…. so much. Like, constantly. Everything I put in my mouth, everything that comes out of me (TMI? whatevz), everything I do with my body, every activity I plan…
I was talking with my beau about how, despite the fact that we’ve both lost over 25 lbs since we initially decided to get healthified, we think about our weight/fitness more than we ever did when we had those extra lbs on our body. I guess it’s just part of adapting your awareness regarding your body.
Tomorrow, I’ll be heading to Ocean City, New Jersey. It’s my home away from home, and my favorite place on the face of this planet. And once, 2 years ago, my grandma mentioned to my mother how terrible I looked on the beach. It’s stuff like that which make me so so happy to have decided to make the change, not because of her, not because of what anyone has ever said, but because I knew that if I wanted to live a long/healthy life, I couldn’t continue living the way that I was. And because of the changes I’ve made, I’ll be able to spend time indulging in my favorite treats, while enjoying my mornings being more active than I used to be. It’s all about balance and, as evident by that earlier picture, I’m all about balance (except for the fact that my balance is HORRIBLE due to breaking both my feet at different points in my life. I’m basically on a constant teeter totter.)
To sum it up: I’m so excited for this weekend. And I won’t feel guilty about anything I do. I will go to the gym tomorrow, I will enjoy strolling/powerwalking on the boards the rest of the days, and I know that I won’t look back on pictures from this weekend and think negative thoughts about myself.
It’s all because of a little wake-up call.
Have you ever had a wake-up call to health? Regardless of your answer, what boosted you into a healthy lifestyle?
Do you wish that you could snuggle with me? (duh.)