Wake-Up Call

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Wow.  So once, going through pictures and trying to find the one of me doing yoga at all, I found this one.  Taken in Las Vegas, right as I was coming off of a summer of sloth following a wicked lame pre-summer foot break that incapacitated me, right outta college graduation, the caption on facebook of this was “My dream wedding.”

I think, in my mind, the joke was not only “wow, she just got married in the middle of the day, in vegas, in a full wedding gown, and is playing penny slots” but “and also, she is fat.”

However, reflecting on this picture (this was probably the heaviest I’ve ever been in my life) I am blown away by my own appearance.  Because, after losing almost 50 lbs, I look at this and think “there are two people in this picture that are overweight, not just one.”

Talk about your belated wake up call…

I have to say, this isn’t a post to call anyone fat (even though I did just say that I considered both people in this image overweight), more to evaluate the change in my thought process.  Because honestly, while I was happy as a clam that weekend, I can’t help but think I’d have had such a better time if I were my current weight.  And while I didn’t THINK I was overweight at all at this time in my life, it’s like…. wow.  Now that I see it having lost the weight, I can’t believe I just allowed myself to have all those extra pounds on my body.  I remember once, at a UNC football game, I was loudly cheering for my team, waving my pom poms around like a locopop (GO HEELS!!! TAR HEEL BORN AND TAR HEEL BRED!!) when a random viewer at the game mentioned, off hand to her friend, that I should “calm my fat ass down because it was jiggling in [her] face”.  That hurt.  That hurt, so friggin’ much (I’d say another f word, but I’m unsure if wordpress monitors these supah hard.)  I think that was the first time I thought to myself, “Wow.  This whole ‘being overweight’ thing is miserable, horrible, and people mock you for it.”  At the time, I was a happy, fun-loving UNC student, who got hit on a lot (just saying, for a while, that’s how I measured my self-worth) and looked sexy in clothes (in my opinion at the time.)  How the HELL could some girl call me a fat ass?  Well, now, looking back, I see it, and I believe I might think the same thing about old me now a-days.  That’s harsh, right?  Jeez.  But I’m… just being honest. (Andre 3000, 2003).

The change is monumental. And my life has just changed so much.

I think about my health, my weight, my diet, my fitness…. so much. Like, constantly.  Everything I put in my mouth, everything that comes out of me (TMI? whatevz), everything I do with my body, every activity I plan…

I was talking with my beau about how, despite the fact that we’ve both lost over 25 lbs since we initially decided to get healthified, we think about our weight/fitness more than we ever did when we had those extra lbs on our body.  I guess it’s just part of adapting your awareness regarding your body.

Tomorrow, I’ll be heading to Ocean City, New Jersey.  It’s my home away from home, and my favorite place on the face of this planet.  And once, 2 years ago, my grandma mentioned to my mother how terrible I looked on the beach.  It’s stuff like that which make me so so happy to have decided to make the change, not because of her, not because of what anyone has ever said, but because I knew that if I wanted to live a long/healthy life, I couldn’t continue living the way that I was. And because of the changes I’ve made, I’ll be able to spend time indulging in my favorite treats, while enjoying my mornings being more active than I used to be.  It’s all about balance and, as evident by that earlier picture, I’m all about balance (except for the fact that my balance is HORRIBLE due to breaking both my feet at different points in my life.  I’m basically on a constant teeter totter.)

To sum it up: I’m so excited for this weekend.  And I won’t feel guilty about anything I do.  I will go to the gym tomorrow, I will enjoy strolling/powerwalking on the boards the rest of the days, and I know that I won’t look back on pictures from this weekend and think negative thoughts about myself.

It’s all because of a little wake-up call.

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Have you ever had a wake-up call to health?  Regardless of your answer, what boosted you into a healthy lifestyle?

Do you wish that you could snuggle with me?  (duh.)

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24 thoughts on “Wake-Up Call

  1. Jordy — I’m hoping that some day in the not too distant future, I can post two similar photos somewhere on a blog, although I’d be happy with just the photos. You are an inspiration to all who are lucky enough to read this blog. It’s an incredible difference, and because I have always thought and still do that you are beautiful inside and out, I never really saw it in you. I am so proud of you, your accomplishment and commitment to a healthier lifestyle. You deserve a Brown’s donut, a slice of Mac & Mancos, and a nice homemade b/fast sandwich. Can’t wait to see you.

    • Aw, jeez, bunnies of a feather flock together, right?

      Sometimes, when I see pictures of people sleeping, I wish that was less of a creepy thing to do (take pictures of sleeping folks) because it always looks so nice and calm.

      (shoot, maybe that was creepy to say.) (woops.)

  2. Holy transformation!! That’s amazing. Whats your secret to your awesome stomach??

    I’ve always been fairly healthy – I’m not sure what really kick-started it. Maybe my stomach issues and finding that a healthy diet really helped ease them.

    • (first off, love the name of your blog)

      Secondly, I don’t think that anyone in my life has ever mentioned that my stomach looks awesome. For that, you get a gold star, a hundred bonus points, and a hug the moment we ever meet IRL (if that happens.)

      Thirdly, I don’t know if I have a secret, but the second I think of it, I’ll share it with THE WORLD!

      Fourth, tummy issues are the worst, and I know several people who had to change their diet due to GI problems, but sometimes that’s the kick they really need!

  3. So, I’ve been reading your blog a bit and I think of all of the posts I’ve read, this is my favorite. You know why? Because it’s so, so honest. I think we’ve all been in that place where we’ve looked at others and thought “how can they LIVE with themselves being that heavy??” It’s not about pretty or ugly, it’s about the HEALTH of the matter. And then you realize: HOLY CRAP! I’m not healthy either!!! As someone with a considerable amount of weight to lose, I think it’s an incredibly relatable feeling. I’m so glad that you’ve found a good, healthy, connection with your body. I think that for so many people who are overweight (myself most certainly included), its a matter of feeling disenfranchised from your body and your health. Conscious, mindful decisions are the only way to live healthfully (body, mind, and spirit). You are living that beautifully.

    Enjoy your bliss. 🙂

  4. I was unaware I was carrying extra weight as well. My wake-up call came when I was at Target and bought size 9 Mossimo jeans. I didn’t even bother to try them on because I’d ALWAYS been a size 9. When I got home and went to wear them out later I couldn’t get them over my ass to save my life. I was like, “what’s going on here?!” I went back and bought the next size up, but never returned the 9s because I told myself I’d wear them again (and in reality I think the 11s were a bit snug, but I was in denial). I am happy to say BOTH of those jeans are long gone. I kick myself for not using the gym, because I was paying 35K a year for it (actually more bc of loans… yeah). I sadly have no actual pics of this since a hard drive full of my life’s photos from high school – senior year of college tanked and I lost everything.

    • I always wish that I’d taken true before/after pictures to compare. Then again, I do keep a lot of my fbook pictures tagged from that time, because I really like to scan through and see everything that I have gone through. It’s a good reminder of what I never want to go back to, and how far I’ve come.

        • All I do is win/win/win, no mattah whattttttttttt.

          To answer that question: hoagiefest options are turkey or cheesesteak, but honestly, I’ll probably go for a shorti roast beef with lettuce, tomato, onions, oregano, salt, pepper, little bit of mayo, then get some doritos and stuff them inside of that sammy. Paired with a quality diet raspberry iced tea, wawa brand of course.

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  6. Wow – your change is amazing!

    (just found your blog, btw)

    I have to say, I come from a similar place- I was heavier in high school and my first few years of college. It didn’t bother me then, but looking back at pictures of me makes me cringe! It took me a while to find my happy place. I’ve been on the too skinny side of the spectrum too and in the past 5 years I’ve realized where I’m MEANT to be. Congrats on your journey 🙂

  7. Jordy, I tots agree with Shel’s post..you deserve a serious slice of no-guilt Mac n’ Mancos and some Brown’s!!! You are beautiful to me no matter how much you weigh..but you do look SMOKIN’ HOT!! And more importantly, you’re healthy…which is a great thing because we did vow to be old ladies sippin’ on merlot at the beach together..!
    Love you. 22 days til you are tied for the most beautiful maid of honor. Love you.

  8. woah i loved this post. i guess because i hadnt seen you in forever, i never knew you even gained weight! you’ve always been tall thin crazy jordan!! haha, but you are so right, the change is monumental. that is AWESOME. and also, super awesome to quote andre 3000 hahahahahah

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