Halloween Hullabaloo

I have a favorite holiday. It features warm weather, fireworks, grilled meats, cocktails on the beach…. and maybe my ideal color palette consists exclusively of red, white, and blue.

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That said, and unfortunately for us all, Independence Day is just that…. a day. So while I have zero qualms chanting “U-S-A” in mid-February, the rest of the country may not be as prone to shout it back (this could mean they hate America, but that’s neither here nor there). Luckily, come autumn, while I mourn for the end of my favorite season, I can rejoice that another season is on the horizon.

A season that is the Holy Grail for every semi-professional theme partier. A chance to pull out all the stops. Where the cream based makeup flows like water…

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NoLibs Zombie Crawl 2013

Where visits to Joann Fabrics are not only frequent but fruitful.

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Togas totally come in teal

The hair is molded like clay.

Walking into spiderwebs...

Walking into spiderwebs…

And just about any interpretation of a costume is tolerated… dare I say, embraced?

I'm a zebra.  Duh.

I’m a zebra. Duh.

Halloween tends to last anywhere from 1-3 weeks, and this year should entail 3-4 costumes. Potential Halloweek(ish) plans range from Yelp Events to house parties to theme parties to handing out candy to sick children. And this is the kind of time that I train all year for…. Now the real question is, do I shake my tail feather while Making Time? Do I whiskey-a-go-go to Trestle Inn to viva Brazil? You KNOW I’ll be Zombie Crawling through Northern Liberties the night before Halloween… But the next night, should I geek out at Tattooed Mom’s while getting Emojional?

Decisions, decisions

Decisions, decisions

The world is my oyster. Or at least Philly is my clam rocking an oyster costume….

Time to get shucking.

Theme Parties I Should Probably Host

Apparently, my little brothers’ fraternity is far more creative than the fraternities at UNC are (or were 4 years ago). Because, while UNC frats were throwing parties with REAL winning concepts such as:

  • Golf Pros and Tennis Hoes
  • GI Joes and Army Hoes
  • CEOs and Office Hoes
  • Dudes in a kinda themed shirt and street-walking prostitutes (ok, this wouldn’t fit on a flyer, but real talk, I think all of them were basically versions of this)

HIS fraternity is hosting parties with themes such as:

  • Mobsters and Lobsters
  • Mathletes and Athletes

I’ll admit, I’m a huge sucker for theme parties. Almost to a fault. And, in college, my frat did a few solid ones. Personal favorites:

  • Word on Your Arm Party – Real simple concept. Come in with a word on your arm. If you don’t have one, we’re ready with permanent markers and incredible vocabularies. Don’t blame me if you forgot your word and end up with Pudendum on your forearm for the next three days. 
  • Swank and Skank – You choose: Britney Spears-style skanking, strolling through gas stations barefoot and maybe pregnant or bald OR swanky as all get out (any reason to rock a tiara and long black gloves)
  • Paranormal Formal – I just wanted a chance to cover myself in blood a la Carrie. And if I was wearing a tiara…. so be it.

    They're ALL gonna laugh at you.

    They’re ALL gonna laugh at you.

  • Zombie Apocalypse in the 1920s – Ok, this one wasn’t my favorite, but I appreciate specificity. I dressed as a pirate, as I always will when I don’t agree with the theme.

But now, I’m worried that I missed a lot of opportunities for great rhyming themes (AND SLANT RHYMES! YEAH!!)  I’ve decided that if I don’t host at least ONE of these parties in the next year or so, I’ve failed as a human.  These are some ideas thus far. You know, just spit-balling over here….

  • Winos and Albinos – I expect to see some famous winos like the Real Housewives of Anywhere and maybe one or two people dressed as polar bears. Bonus points if someone shows up dressed like this fellow:

    Dress like me, get invited to all future parties.

    Dress like me, get invited to all future parties.

  • Jungle Cats and Spoiled Brats – Lions, Tigers, and Paris Hilton, OH MY!
  • Jeffs, Chefs, and Stephs – Where else might you see Stephanie Meyer, Jeff Probst, and Iron Chef Mario Batali having small talk over jello shots? I also imagine that I’d look great in a Steffi Graf costume. So there’s that.
  • Book Covers and Star Cross’d Lovers – I’m a huge fan of judging things by their covers. Mostly beers by their labels…. However, this party’s theme would be literal interpretations of book titles and pairs arriving as history’s greatest star cross’d lovebugs. Romeo and Juliet, Maria and Tony, Nick and Jessica (Simpson. Shame on you if that wasn’t the obvious first choice.)

    Never saw that coming...

    Never saw that coming…

  • Silicon Valley and Diagon Alley – Computer geeks and Harry Potter freaks UNITE! Actual wizards and tech wizards, one and all. I am still unsure how I’d rock a tiara at this one, but I’m almost certain that someone would rock a badass Bellatrix. Maybe this person might even fall for the pocket-protected lad or lass standing by the punchbowl (note: I don’t have a punchbowl. Do I have to get one to throw these things?)
  • Holy Powers and Whiskey Sours – Dress up as any deity you wish, know that I will only be pouring whiskey sours. Ganesh, don’t give me that, I know you’ll love them if you just give them a chance. Look at Artemis over there, throwing them back!
  • Spice Girls and Zombie Merles – If you decide to dress as a male-identified character for this party, your options are pretty limited, and you’d better be all caught up on your Walking Dead. But how great would it be to see line dancing with Sporty, Scary, and like… 4 Zombie Merles.

    Are we taking shots?

    Are we taking shots?

Oh goodness. I gotta get started. Only a little less than 5 months until my birthday!!

Take your best shot at a solid AND creative theme party. OR give me the best one you’ve ever attended. What did you dress as?! 

Probably a lobster.