I know, the title of this post is a bit misleading. I mentioned it in this week’s Six Pack Sunday so, if you read it, you already probably know that there weren’t actually droves of female masked wrestlers attacking innocent strangers on the mean streets of the Dirty D.

There were, however, some gorgeous masked ladies who invaded the ring at Motorco, one of Durham’s most unique and excellent venues. Serving quite a number of yummy beers, craft and otherwise, this music hall hosts everything from aerial performers to local bands to viewings of cult classics like The Big Lebowski. On Saturday, starting at noon, they went in a different route: Durham’s first Luchadoras extravaganza.  For $5, with all of the proceeds going toward grassroots food justice efforts in Durham, NC, how could I say no?

The folks of Durham came out en masse to cheer on these masked misses, and after grabbing two beers, Ryan and I joined the horde.  The first battle paired up two ladies , and the story was that one… maybe poisoned the friend of another…. who wanted to demask the first… for honor and shame?

I’ll be honest, the Legends behind the Luchadoras are complicated, dramatic, and crazy!! There’s so much intrigue and, considering most of the names were in another language, I struggled to keep up.

Baxter, you know I don’t speak Spanish.

After watching the villainess get demasked and shouting SHAAAAAMEEEE with my fellow enthusiasts, it was  time for a little audience participation.  The announcers, who were hype and hilarious (and struggled to not laugh at the whole shebang themselves), called for 4 female volunteers to come up to the stage.  There were a couple of quiet minutes as everyone looked at one another, wondering what it was for and why they needed these ladies?  Body painting? Date auction? Virgin sacrifice?

Of course, I waltzed up to the stage. How could I say no to one of those options?

After placing the four women in the ring on each corner, they announced that we’d be battling it out for a handmade luchadoras mask of our very own!  At this point, the gloves came off. Well, in my case, the glasses did, as I handed them to a friendly stranger on the side for safe keeping.

God as my witness, I was going to get that mask.

Luckily, my three opponents were itty bitty women. I’d say none was taller than 5’6″, weighing no more than 130 lbs soaking wet. Realistically, they didn’t stand a chance.

As the mask dropped on the ring, our bodies hit the floor. I knew I had a quality grasp on the mask right when I touched it, but so did at least two other women. My strategy? Box them out with my body.  This involved (but was not limited to):

• Rolling around
• Trying to flip my butt on them
• Jamming my shoulder into their body
• Creating a body cocoon around the mask, forcing the women to get too close to me, feel awkward, and let go

I’m not sure which was the straw that broke the lucha’s back, but the last woman finally dropped and I was declared the winner.

To the victor goes the spoils: A killer luchadoras mask and pride that spans a lifetime.

Also to the victor go the wounds: scratches on the neck, 3 nail digs on the knuckles, a really sore neck and TWO earrings yanked out.

We weren’t messing around.

I also must not forget the fact that I pretty much mooned the entire crowd. Since I wasn’t planning on battling for honor, I may have mistakenly rocked a pair of super low-rise skinny jeans which did a great job of sneaking below the crack quite a few times.

At least I was wearing cute undies?

These women were totally bad@ss. They were exciting, they were dramatic, and I’d be lucky to be in their ranks.  Which is why I gave the “scout” my card, in case he needs La Glamazon to come put some princesses in their places.

At least he knows I can take a beating.

Ever been in a physical fight?

How do you feel about professional wrestling?