Here’s the thing: I dont remember much about high school chemistry class. My teacher’s name was Mrs. Arensberg, my friend has a seizure in the middle of one class, and we did an experiment with titration. Just because I remember that I did that experiment, I couldn’t tell you what titration means. I vaguely recall, though, that it involved messing with one beaker, and then another, trying to get the right balance of fluid into a bigger beaker. My chemistry major whizkid boyfriend is going to hate this post so much.
Titration is not.... you can't just make up definitions for.... nevermind.
Yup, just call me Jordan Nye the Science Guy. (Fun Fact: I met Bill Nye when I was in college, he visited UNC. Less Fun Fct: He was a total asshole. Seriously, not nice at all.)
That’s all beyond the point. What I’m getting at, is that the act of adding some from one beaker and some from another always sat with me as how titration works. And I feel as though, every day I use the microwaves at work, I’m doing my own little chemistry experiment. Only, instead of trying to balance liquies from two beakers, I am trying to balance out the power of two different microwaves in the office.
In the red corner, we have this little gem:
- Heater of all foods good.
This microwave is the jack of all trades. It can toast, it can nuke, and it does it all without burning anything. My food always emerges hot, not crusty, there are often treats on top (such as chocolate chip cookies or chocolate frogs like I saw yesterday!!) It’s a beautiful thing to walk over there, and my popcorn never stinks up the office by burning. Sometimes, when I’m waiting for my popcorn, I do wallsits by this microwave. I love it.
Then, in the blue corner, we have this eyesore:
- DEMON MICROWAVE!
This. Microwave. Sucks. It turns frozen meals into hard as rock, inedible blocks, it burns the living daylights out of popcorn, and I constantly have to change the length of time as well as the power level. And on those rare occasions when I am cooking a veggie patty in one, and want to make steamed veggies in the other… I have to choose which gets the demon (or wait 8 minutes to eat instead of 4).
- Salvaged meal
Chicken patty slathered in laughing cow blue cheese and Frank’s Red hot (A favorite sandwich combo of mine)! The vegetables, of course, were perfect. Corn, carrots, peas, and green beans. I rounded things off with a sugar-free jello cup, and I get a feeling I’ll be sneaking over to that beautiful microwave of treats to sneak a cookie… or the head of that frog!!
Until then, I’ll leave the titration to the beau. I’ll take care of everything else… especially of looking classy.
- Don’t worry. I got this.
What’s for your lunch today?
Food, Sweat, and Beers 
Your BF is ALSO a chem major? He must be super cool. 😎 You forgot the part about using a burette to add the solution and an indicator to know when the enpoint has been reached!
Story time! I can vouch that Nye is a total douche canoe (Kacy from Low taught me that term!). I worked for a kite store (still there) in Bethany Beach during high school and the lady whom I worked with was related to him by marriage. Her hubs is his cousin and every year he’d come vacation for a week or two at their house and she HATED when he’d visit because he’d act like a total jerk and was really rude. My boss asked if he’d come in the store to do a little meet & greet with kids since we sold a lot of fun sciency knick knacks and offered all kinds of free shit for it. I was off that day, but another coworker told me he was a complete diva about the whole thing. In retaliation, my coworker called him Beakman and asked where the rat guy was. Ahhhh hilarity.
We have one awesome microwave, and one less awesome one that seems to take eons to thaw anything.
don’t you find it funny that a man who makes science videos for middle schoolers is so full of himself? It would be funny if it turned out he secretly makes science porn.
Actually laughed out Loud due to this comment, love it! Hate bill NYE rude boy….
Ahaahahaha I bet it starts out like the cheesy safety videos we watched in high school!
Shocking Bill Nye stories all around!!
For the 1.5 years that I worked at my current job, we had a LOUD microwave. People two floors down could hear it, I swear. However, I make microwave meals for bfast and lunch every day so I grew to love it dearly. I navigated through the buttons that didn’t work to hoodwink it into different power settings, I silenced the buttons, and I developed some tap moves to do while it heated my food (no one could hear the taps)
Then vacation over the 4th of July and….
Brand new quiet microwave (MINUS the LOUD button beeps!) Alskdajs;dlfk I have to get used to this one now. Pooey.
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned (by her new microwave.)
My lunch is a PBJ and a Chobani – my lunches are so boring!
Bill Nye came through Orlando last year and my friend met him and even scored a picture with him. She agrees with your conclusion, a**hole. As for work, I teach high school, the only microwave I have access to is the one I bring from home. Then I am a sucker and let my students use it. Lame, they only talk to me outside of class because I have a microwave. But I am not insecure at all.
I can’t believe that Bill Nye is a jerk! I mean, I can, but that’s such a shame.
I don’t bring lunch to work since I work in retail. I actually live a block away from the store I work at so I pretty much sprint home for food once I’m off! They do have a microwave and mini fridge in the back though, but it’s so cramped there that if I did take lunch off I would rather go home or to a nearby cafe.
I actually live super close to work as well, which often makes for a more delicious meal when I can come home/whip something tasty up instead of just nuking things.
I was just as surprised as anyone when Bill was a jerk. Tragic but true.
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