Oh my goodness.
I’m 80% sure I’m about to die.
After 10 days of the 30 Day Shred – Level 1, I was feeling pretty badass. Then…. Level 2. I’m floored with the difference between the two. As I mentioned, I’m shredding for the wedding (of my cousin) so it’s a pretty big deal.
I’ve been waiting to write this post since Day 1, Level 1. Every day that I meet with my girls, Jillian, Anita, and Natalie, I have a little conversation. Sure, it’s mostly one sided. But I wanted to share it with you all. Since the fun times at the Healthy Living Summit, when I realized the joy of live tweeting from a conference, I’ve thought about how I could share that fun with each person that reads my blog. Here’s my chance.
Ladies and gentlemen, I present:
Live Tweeting: 30 Day Shred – Level 1
Twitter Handle: Jshred
Twitter handle: EasyA
Twitter handle: NatDawg
Twitter handle: foodsweatnbeers
Let us begin:
foodsweatnbeers: oh, neat, ok, we’re just strolling in here, all relaxed. This shouldn’t be too bad.
foodsweatnbeers: Hey Jillian, thanks for introducing yourself….
foodsweatnbeers: I hate that she calls these women “my two best girls.” I’m already sick of her voice.
Jshred: Well, they are my best girls. AREN’T YOU, LADIES?
Natdawg: Yeah, J. We’re your best girls.
foodsweatnbeers: I’m probably tough enough to follow @Natdawg. I got this. Warmup time!
Jshred: Big Movement. Don’t be static.
EasyA: I’d like to take this time to let everyone know that I will spend the next 20 mins flexing my abs.
foodsweatnbeers: Great. Thanks, Anita.
EasyA: I’ll also be more flexible than you, Jillian, and Natalie. K?
foodsweatnbeers: w/e. I’m trying to windmill over here.
Jshred: I just don’t want anyone to get injured. That’s why we’ll be doing infinite jumping jacks.
foodsweatnbeers: sure. that makes sense. you’re approximately a doctor. Hip circles always remind me of spongebob.
Jshred: SHUT UP AND JUMP JACKS WITH ME!
foodsweatnbeers: oh no. Pushups. Just try to do at least 8 with Natalie.
EasyA: What’s that supposed to mean?
NatDawg: Get on my level.
foodsweatnbeers: I’m pretty sure I could squat forever. Those pushups were tough but I think I feel good about this.
NatDawg: Well, if you’re so tough: Get. On. My. Level. Literally.
foodsweatnbeers: Can’t squat that low. Bad knees. #sorryimnotsorry
Jshred: pushup time, b*tches.
foodsweatnbeers: (after 2 toe pushups) I HAVE NO ARMS! THEY’RE FALLING OFF RIGHT NOW!
JShred: Just don’t phone this in, Jordan.
foodsweatnbeers: Wait. Was that an option? Is there a number I can call?
EasyA: Squats are fun when you don’t do them!
foodsweatnbeers: 2 minutes of cardio? I do BodyAttack on the regular. What is this, a joke?
(after 30 more jumping jacks and half a minute of jump rope)
foodsweatnbeers: What was I thinking?! I HAVE NO FITNESS! Hey, @NatDawg, have you ever really jumproped in your life?
NatDawg: Nope. I just assume that it requires you to swing your arms around uncontrollably, right?
Jshred: (Some sort of inspiration BS. At this point, I’ve stopped listening.)
foodsweatnbeers: Ab time. Basic crunches. Woo!
EasyA: HEY! Everyone! Come see how good I look!! Do you like my ribs?
foodsweatnbeers: (under my breath) Definitely not.
NatDawg: Some of us are focusing on exercise, not belly baring shirts, Anita.
EasyA: Wait. So you don’t like my ribs?
JShred: Circuit 2! Grab those weights!
foodsweatnbeers: Oooh neat, a row. so glad this isn’t a pushup.
JShred: What I really like is that no one is phoning this in.
foodsweatnbeers: You’re saying it again. #nonsensicalphrases
Jshred: I’d like everyone to look at how tough Natalie is. She goes deep and lunges hard. AIM TO BE @NATDAWG!
foodsweatnbeers: Hey! @NatDawg! I SAW THAT!! BUSTED!
****REAL TALK: Everyone, in circuit two, after Jillian just spends a minute bragging about her prodigy, Natalie, they pan over to Anita. Natalie takes this time to NOT LUNGE! When I saw this, I had a rage blackout.
NatDawg, you’re just as weak as the rest of us.****
foodsweatnbeers: @EasyA, are you flexing right now?
EasyA: (through gritted teeth) No….. er… my abs always look like this.
foodsweatnbeers: oh. Must be nice.
NatDawg: When I grin like this, do I look like a possessed lunatic?
All: No… definitely not. It’s…. cute. #sarcasm
foodsweatnbeers: (mentally) I wonder what kinds of faces Jillian makes when she’s having sex. If they’re anything like this…. #poorsexpartners
Jshred: Are you thinking and not doing butt kicks?!
foodsweatnbeers: No, ma’am. (Kicks butt, NatDawg style). Oooh, punching! This is kind of like BodyCombat!
JShred: No, no, this is a completely original exercise I made up.
EasyA: Hey! All! It’s Ab-time! Check out these ribs!!
NatDawg: I’m so glad I wore a shirt.
EasyA: I accidentally forgot mine.
foodsweatnbeers: Yeah, right. #accidentally?
JShred: Circuit 3 time! FOCUS!
foodsweatnbeers: I love Chest Flies so much.
JShred: Little do you know what I’ve got in store for you.
foodsweatnbeers: OH MY GOD! Anterior raises will be the end of me…. Tell my mother I love her, I’m pretty sure I’m dying.
NatDawg: Sometimes, when I’m taking a nap, I wake up and I’m sleep-side lunging with anterior raises.
foodsweatnbeers: Ok, Natalie, we get it. You’re in shape.
NatDawg: What? Oh, sorry, I was looking at my delts in the mirror.
JShred: You guys like jumping jacks, right?
foodsweatnbeers: Oooh! yeah! My calves are craving some further abuse!
EasyA: When I get in a fight, I’ll know how to punch from this video!
NatDawg: If that poor girl ever got in a fight, she’d snap like a twig.
EasyA: Jump ropes are fun!
JShred: Bicycle crunches are named that by their inventor, William James Bicycle Esq.
foodsweatnbeers: Do you have a citation for that fact?
JShred: er…. quick! Look at @EasyA’s ribs!
foodsweatnbeers: Ugh, whatever.
At this point, I normally push through those damn bicycle crunches, stretch on my own, and curse Anita for being a silly looking ninny.
Hope you enjoyed joining me for a quality workout. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have an exorcism to attend.