Smelled Like a Campfire…

Last night, after a wonderful glass night at Rockfish, I was excited to hit the hay very early.  I was in bed, asleep shortly after 10pm.  It was perfect.

I was woken up several hours later with the definition of a “rude awakening”. My eyes were flashed with a blinding light as the sheriff of the local police department shined his flashlight into my eyes, having busted open my door.

Miss, put some clothes on and follow me outside. The building next to yours is on fire.

I’m not sure if I’ve ever clothed and ran out of my apartment faster.  When I walked outside, I was immediately hit in the face with a sensory overload.  Smoke and fire was billowing out of the roof of the apartment next to mine, the warmth hit my face as my eyes acclimated to the flickering firetruck lights and my feet were drenched by excess water from the hoses.  It was an affront on all sides, as the sheriff explained to me how he’d been knocking on my door for over 5 minutes before they finally got the key from the apartment complex.

The scene outside

I was lucky enough to have grabbed a sweatshirt, but most of my fellow neighbors were underdressed considering the nip in the autumn air. The flames continued to climb as the hoses sprayed down, and my most intense thought was a hope that they didn’t leap the gap between the two buildings. I will say, though, that if anything, the fire brought the neighborhood together. I had conversations with people I’ve never met before, people who live a floor above me. I found my friend, Kim from the building that was affected, in the clubhouse, which the complex opened up for the Red Cross to use.  She’d barely ran out with more than a tshirt on, so I lent her my sweatshirt, thinking I’d be let back into the apartment.

20 minutes later, I was the one shivering outside.  An older gentleman offered me a jacket (a Carolina one, no less!) which I gladly accepted. It was only later that he explained to me that his home was one of the ones that had been completely destroyed.


While his home was smoldering, he offered me one of his few possessions that hadn’t burned in the fire. At about 3:30 am, we were allowed back into our homes. They were pretty certain they’d tamed the flames, and I think they also wanted less folks loitering. I wasn’t able to fall asleep for a while, my heart was still racing.  Every time I heard a sound, I jumped, thinking that someone was knocking again to let me know the fire had jumped.

I also managed to be interviewed by one of the local news networks and, after watching it today, I always forget how weird it is to hear yourself. Also, how crazy I sound when I talk in general.

Cute screenshot, yes?

Luckily, there was only one injury, and, though they lost all their belongings, everyone in my complex is required to have renter’s insurance so they’re covered.

Speaking of which: if you don’t have renter’s insurance, GET IT! It’s a cheap way to assure than if something this awful happens to you, you won’t be starting from scratch.

I’ll hopefully be spending tonight in the company of some friends in the hopes of forgetting that my heart keeps slamming in my chest.

Have you ever had a tragedy that brought people together?

OR tell me a fun story or joke to lighten my spirits!

PS In case you missed it, check out my post about the package I got through the Foodie Pen Pals on Lindsay’s blog from the lovely Allie from Healthy Balance, Healthy Life !!

Do you want to join in on the fun?  Bloggers AND blog readers are welcome to participate!!! Contact Lindsay at theleangreenbean@gmail.com and be sure to visit her website for all of the official details!  It is super easy to get started (literally, it takes 5 minutes!) and Lindsay does the rest!  You MUST send her an e-mail by October 4th if you would like to be a Foodie Penpal, as she sends out the penpal matches on October 5th.

The Scariest Flight of My Entire Life and a Trader Joe’s Treat

Oh, neat. It’s Monday.

I know, that sounds like the least enthused beginning of a post ever, right?

Well, I’ll be honest, Mondays after traveling to/from home in Pennyslvania are always a little rough. For financial reasons as well as a love of spending Sunday nights watching CSI with my little brother and sister, I like to return to the Raleigh-Durham airport on Monday mornings. Unfortunately, that tends to lead to a 5 am (or earlier) Monday wake-up call.

In case you missed it, you should check out my Six Pack Sunday: The Science of Beer  edition. It’s pretty much one of the coolest beer events I’ve ever experienced in my life.

Luckily, I had a tasty surprise just waiting in the freezer for a Monday where “cooking” was the last thing on my lunch-mind.

A little spice is nice!

4 minutes in the microwave, and you have: Trader Joe’s Green Curry Infused Rice!!

The ingredient list is beautiful: Jasmine rice, green bell pepper, carrots, coconut milk, basil leaves, green curry past, light soy sauce, sugar, sunflower oil, holland chili pepper, and key lime leaves. Not too shabby, right?

While the taste was perfect, I thought it was missing something….

Vegetable Fiesta!

I was craving a few more veggies and had some leftovers in the fridge to add to the mix. Broccoli, mushrooms, red pepper, more carrots, and baby corn!! Add this to the warm, spicy slow burn of a quality curry, and you have yourself a colorful lunch to fuel me through the day!

Chances are, though, if you made it this far, you’re not just interested in my Trader Joe’s mouth-party.  You wanna hear the juice.

This Friday, on my way to Philadelphia, I experienced the absolute scariest flight of my entire life. That’s really saying something, too, considering I fly anywhere from 1-2x a month and have been for almost 3 years now (before then, I flew less frequently, but still more than your average bear. Or person.)

I flew Southwest, as I always do, because it’s fast, it’s cheap, and their seating system rewards aggression.  It’s kill or be killed sit or be sat on, out there, and I was a lucky duck who got a primo windo seat. I had a great book on hand, a handsome boyfriend I was flying to, and a few of these bad boys to whet my whistle…

Drink tickets, anyone? (click for source)

Though there was a bit of rain in the forecast, both in Philly and RDU, the drizzles weren’t getting me down.

Then, as luck would have it, the pilot announced over the intercom system that, due to weather and possible turbulence, there’d be no drink service. AND NO PEANUTS!

That’s a bummer, but really, not the end of the world.  I was peeved (and thirsty), but just trying to get to the PHL.

I sat to read my (incredibly emotional and intense) book and was approximately halfway through the (very smooth) flight when the silence was broken.  It was broken by screaming:

“HELP!! IS THERE A DOCTOR ON THE PLANE?! IS ANYONE A DOCTOR?! OH GOD, IS THERE A DOCTOR?!”

A huge lump surged in my throat as I, along with every other passenger, turned to see a flight attendant running through the aisle, waving her hands.

Having watched thousands of episodes of TV shows where that inevitably means one of a few select tragedies, I was petrified.

Either:

a) we had all just contracted meningitis, a la that very special episode of House

b) there was a terrorist on board, and maybe the president, a la Air Force One

c) there was…. something on the wing. A la Twilight Zone

NBD, just an Airplane Gremlin that wants to eat my heart.

Either way, in my mind, my plane was doomed.

As I watched a white haired fellow (who I’m PRAYING was a doctor) leap out of his seat, seemingly shouting FINALLY! MY DAY HAS COME! with his body language, I prayed to all things holy (and some things unholy, like that airplane gremlin) that my life wouldn’t end on this plane (or before I finished ROOM.)

Then, as suddenly as the screaming began, the silence returned. My fellow passengers and I craned our necks back, hoping for some indication that a life hadn’t ended in the exit row, and that the rest of us weren’t infected. We looked to the flight attendants, who bustled about in an orderly fashion, as if nothing was amiss, plastic smiles glued to their face.

What the FORK AND KNIFE had just happened?

Well, when that grinning attendant strolled over so nonchalantly to collect our trash (though, since none of us had gotten beverages or snacks, there wasn’t much trash to be collected) I gestured for her to come and collect my apple core (a self-brought snack, thank goodness!!

“Excuse me, ma’am, would you mind telling us what all the commotion was about? What happened back there?”

“Oh, don’t you worry sweetheart! It was nothing! Just some fellow who woke up and wasn’t feeling too well, he’s doing fine now.”

…………………………………………….wait. What?

Color me confused

So you mean to tell me that, when someone doesn’t feel too well after groggily waking up on a plane, you race through the aisles screaming bloody murder for a doctor?! Was that in the training somewhere?!

I certainly hope not.

Needless to say, the rest of my day was spent jumping at every loud sound made and clutching my chest at the hint of turbulence.  The train ride, thankfully was a little less adventurous, and, when I finally reached the beau, I hugged him like a spider monkey clinging to a branch mid-tropical storm (factual basis of that statement is up for debate. I don’t know if spider monkeys even live in tropical areas. Just go with it.)

I haven’t started coughing up organs or bleeding from my eyes yet  so I’m pretty sure I’m okay, but just keep an eye on me y’all. If you don’t see somewhat regular tweets and posts, chances are, I’m living out the plot of Contagion.

Either that, or the airplane gremlin got me.

What'd you say your address was, again, Jordan?

Here’s the Mail, It Never Fails. It Makes Me Wanna Wag My Tail….

Hey there friends and neighbors…

Before you do anything else with your day, pop over to NC Brewing to read my guest post Recap: NC Girls’ Pint Out detects good beer from the bad. By writing an article for them, I’ve basically become a superstar in the beer world and if you wanna catch me on the way up, make sure you keep tabs on me now.

Anyway, shameless self-plugs aside…

If you were drawn to this post by the title, you might be expecting this little friend:

MAILBOX! (click for Source)

Well, sorry to disappoint.  Looks like you’re stuck with me.

Yup. Stuck with me.

I’m home for lunch and SO excited because this time tomorrow, I’ll be headed to the airport for yet ANOTHER wonderful weekend in the North. I had a blast this weekend at my cousin’s wedding shower but barely got to see my better half, Ryan. Luckily, this weekend I’ll have a chance to split the difference and spend some time in his stomping grounds of Philly!! It’ll be nice to return after enjoying myself so much during the Healthy Living Summit… maybe I’ll even revisit Reading Terminal Market !

Today’s lunch is brought to you by: every single thing that could possibly go bad in over the weekend!

SCRAMBLED AND SEXY!

It was random as all get-out and included about 1/5 of a sausage cooked with spinach, egg, and some cheese as well as steamed veggies on the side. Yummy and filling!

The reason I’m stoked to write especially for today’s properly labeled post is that, in the past few days, I got some SERIOUS mail swag!!

Today, I picked up a massive set of boxes from my apartment complex office. Well, after digging into those bad boys, check out the goodies!

More and More MUIR!

I won the Muir Glen Organic giveaway from the effervescent Kaitlin over at For Love of Carrots, and now have a pantry chock FULL of amazing tomato products (and soup to boot!) This couldn’t come at a better time considering the squash love of my life, spaghetti squash, AND pizza dough are on sale at my local Harris Teeter this week!  I know what I’ll be making when I get back from PA!

Also in the mail?  Something I’ve been waiting for with bated breath since I signed up for Foodie Pen Pals through Lindsay’s blog.

The best things in life are VERMONT!

Allie from Healthy Balance, Healthy Life sent me a package so chock-full of maple syrup goodness, I almost choked. But honestly, I think I choked more on the granola that I spent the past two days virtually gargling (only then, I swallowed).

Seriously, I’ve knocked granola in the past but this…. this is ethereal.  Luckily, there wasn’t too much, so now that it’s gone, I’m just working my way through the cookies. Speaking of which, I think there’s just enough time to have a Puppy Love peanut butter chocolate chip cookie before going back to work.

EDIT: I ended up eating a banana and saving the cookies for when I visit Ryan tomorrow. You’re welcome, boyfriend.

What I Watch Wednesday

Hey there Humpers (or Hump Day-ers)!

It’s halfway through the workweek (or a little more, as I’ll be doing a half-day on Friday) and I’m feeling easy and breezy. Last night, after a long meeting, I just came home and relaxed my face off.  I know I’m supposed to be shredding for the wedding, but I just needed to veg for a night. It. Was. Fantastic.

Today, I’m celebrating a few things.

First (and foremost): A very blurry No Pants Wednesday!

Featuring a sagging pair of shorts. Really classy.

But the other BIG celebration?

FALL TELEVISION SHOWS!!

I’ll admit it without shame: I watch more TV shows than is probably healthy. My job has a heavy focus on media knowledge and literacy, so I just like to pretend that I’m always doing research as I DVR everything on ABC Family, the CW, Fox, and TeenNick.  I figured, to give you all a little more insight to the inner workings of MOI!

My true love (click for source)

I LOVE the age of the HIMYM characters, and the storylines, and the length of time it takes to watch an episode (30 minutes! a shorty!) So many of the shows I watch require a very intense hour of drama, and this is a great laugh-packed show.

Also, I’m basically semi-involved with Jason Segel (don’t worry, Ryan knows.)

Tuesdays is a time for the new classic:

La La! (click for source)

I must’ve missed about 6 episodes of the end of last season because, apparently, Naomi thought she was pregnant, Silver contemplated suicide, Liam hopped a boat, and Adrianna is a crazy bitch. Oh, and Navid’s mom moved to Switzerland? Who knows…. Anyway, it’s crazy to come back into things.  Now they’re in college, Annie’s joining a sorority and having her inheritance taken, and that’s in the FIRST TWO EPISODES!  Since I can’t enjoy Degrassi now, at least I have this drama. It’s going there.

Oh, Buffy. (click for source)

After my whirlwind 7 year romance with Buffy the Vampire Slayer, I’d follow Sarah Michelle Gellar to the ends of the earth. Or even to MSNBC, if she was headed there.  This show actually reminds me of an older version of my next guilty pleasure:

Baby Ringer!

Lies, deceit, sexy dudes, really great clothes, and TENNIS!! Be still my heart. This ABC Family show has snagged my heart not unlike Secret Life or Make it/Break It…. and then I realize I’m every marketer’s wet dream.  I clearly will watch anything.

Food porn? Yes, please. (click for source)

While Gail Simmons is no Padma, this show is a sweet tooth’s fantasy.  One episode, they recreated the edible room of Willy Wonka. Oh, heck yes.

XOXO

Gossip Girl. The show that stirs up more emotions than any other ones (True Blood excluded, of course). Chuck Bass makes my heart beat fast, I never remember if I’m team Blair or Team Serena, I hate Jenny and Vanessa with a raging fire that could fuel the sun and watch anxiously to see what dumbass thing Dan does next. It’s addictive. As a youth (read: like, 2 years before the show came out) I read the entirety of the book series. I was doomed to love this show until I die (or it’s canceled).

NBC's All-Star Lineup

Community, The Office (though sans Michael Scott now, AH!), and 30 Rock.  I can’t get enough.

Don't mind if I do...

Vampires in True Blood? Twilight? What’s another show to add to the mix?  Ian Somerhalder has been a celebrity crush since he was in Rules of Attraction in 2002. True love never dies.

Wow. This is getting a little out of hand.  Luckily, I only ALSO watch:

Modern Family, CSI (all of them), SVU, Warehouse 13, Alphas, The Secret Circle, I plan on watching The Secret Circle and Revenge, and the list could go on for an embarrassing length of time…. No wonder my DVR is so full so early in the season.  Better get to watching.

What shows do you watch?

Who are your celebrity crushes?

Wedding Shower WIN!

Gooooood afternoon (or morning, depending on when you read this) friends!

I’ve been on a hiatus with lots of traveling (NC to PA to NJ to PA and back again) this past weekend and yesterday was overwhelmed with business and action. Airport to work to the Apple store to home to dinner to two volleyball matches. By the time I got home (around 10pm) after a 5am wakeup call… Writing was the last thing on my mind.

Wanna know the first?

Zzzzzzzzzz

But now I’m back after a fantastic sleep, and a fantastic lunch, to regale you with the awesomeness that was my cousin, Whitney, and her hubbytobe, Ted’s Wedding Shower!

These two love-bugs have a fantastic NYC wedding planned for this October, and invited me to do a reading at the ceremony, so I felt especially excited to help make the party fantastic and extra-special. And, in lieu of sharing every single aspect of the whole wonderful wedding weekend a la my friend, Caitlin‘s Whirlwind Wedding Weekend, I think this time I’ll just choose the highlights that I felt like made the party absolutely PERFECT!

1. Why Segregate when you can all CELEBRATE?!

A Boy Girl Party!!

Whitney and Ted (the couple in the bottom right of that picture) decided to have a wedding shower open to couples, not just the standard bridal shower. This gave the event more of a party feel and led to fun times for all!! Though my better half couldn’t make it, the fun of having loved ones there was only magnified by all the folks, both girls AND boys!!!

2. Heartfelt and Homemade!

So many tasty treats

I know this is a HORRIBLE photo, quality-wise, but the food was OUT OF THIS WORLD!  I get the feeling it had something to do with the fact that everything (with the exception of these cheese for the cheese plate) was made by my family members. We had Aunt Mary’s pizza dip, Rietz’s Meatballs, Barbara’s tortellini sticks, Maggie and Katie’s mushroom puffs, and Aunt Judy (the mother of the bride)’s crab balls! The entrees were sausage and pepper sandwiches and chicken/asparagus/tomato/spinach SOMETHING. Either way, it was all tastier than the last bite. Perfect. And the meal was cooked with love, down to the last drop.

3. Wanna Wine Down?

By resident Sommelier: ME!

We had a wine tasting! 3 different types of Cabernet Sauvignons, 3 different types of Sauvignon Blancs, and lots of new wine to try! Paired with four different fancy cheeses (including my new favorite: drunken goat cheese!!) I made little rating sheets for everyone to use and, though not EVERYONE was interested in the wine (many went straight for the cocktails), it was a fun way to break up the night a bit and try something new. It also split the tent area so that not everyone was scrunched next to the bar (as often happens during parties, I’ve noticed.)

4. Pinata? Why not-a?

Ted and Whitney Effigies? Sure!

My mom and aunt picked up Whitney and Ted’s likenesses in the form of a pair of pinatas! (I’m pretty sure my mother wasn’t aware that the little boy she bought was Diego, Dora’s happy-go-lucky buddy, and I’ll admit, Ted looks nothing like an adventurous Hispanic boy, but it totally worked. They were filled with Hershey Kisses and it was HILARIOUS to watch Ted bat the ever-loving KISSES out of those bad boys (er…. bad boy and girl.)

Wow, you can see the blond head flying!!

Whitney also tried.... A for Effort, Whit!

5. We are the Dancing Queens

Yeah, that giantess in the Tarheel sweatshirt? That's me.

If there’s one thing that pretty much ALWAYS happens at my family parties, it’s dancing. And we may or may not have definitely got a noise complaint after midnight for partying too hard (we just don’t know any other way). The dancing continued later at a nearby bar (where the noise won’t ever be complained about) but let’s just say that the last 2 hours of my night were spent dancing my butt off. The best.

6. All You Need is Love

Tiny cousin and Giant cousin

Beautiful speech by my Aunt Judy

The happy couple showing off their moves!

Luckily, my family’s got that in droves.

So much fun was had, and it was different from any shower I’ve ever been to… But it was just right for the Maurer clan.

Typical post-shower aftermath, right?

What makes a great wedding shower, in your opinion?

If you’ve ever been married, what were your favorite parts of your shower?

 

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things!

Happy Thursday, folks!

It’s an especially happy Thursday for me, as I leave to head up to Philly for my cousin’s wedding shower tomorrow (yay short weeks!)  I’ve been working overtime this week so I have to take less vacation time, which has resulted in a bit of a stressful week. Add that to a VERY busy set of evenings with volleyball on Monday, a beer tasting on Tuesday, and Girls’ Pint Out last night!! Oi vay. All that stress left me a little grouchy this morning, so I thought that I’d whip up a little comfort food for my luncheon.

Omelet of Glory

This particular Good Karma omelet  (filled with tomato, green pepper, spinach, turkey, and cheese) was intended to bring me out of my funk and, as I was nibbling on it, I decided to share with you a few of my other favorites of my life. What could bring me better karma and vibes than being a share-bear?!

Exactly. Nothing.

Worth its weight in crystal

As I mentioned on Twitter, this little box of Crystal Light pink lemonade has been dominating any sugar/soda cravings lately. LOVE the color of the pink lemonade, and I especially love the sweetness and tartness combined. Perfect way to break up my day with some sweetness, and only 5 calories, to boot!

Silky and Smooth

This one’s for the ladies (or gentlemen, if they shave in the shower!)

I’m the QUEEN of lousy leg shaving. I always seem to miss a strip, or the hair manages to grow back 10 minutes after I shaved, or I forget to do it all-together for three solid weeks. Whatever my issue, the Satin Care: In-Shower Moisturizer has made me a better leg shaver and, perhaps, a better person.

Seriously, though, slather this stuff on after you shave your legs (whilst still in the shower) and I’ve found that my legs stay smoother, longer, AND despite having that horribly sensitive skin that turns into a valley of red bumps if you even consider putting lotion on after shaving, using this moisturizer has left me bump-free!  Absolutely LOVE IT!

Why so serious, Octopus?

Fact: My hair has Medusa-like tendencies. Fact: This Double Dutch Apple Suave Detangling Spray (for kids)(for ME!) keeps it smoother and silkier than anything else I’ve ever tried. It’s better than conditioner, it’s better than dry stuff, it’s better than wishing that it wasn’t tangled. It’s the best (and it spells fantastic!)

Stress Bustah!

Despite being 24 years old, I have the skin of a pimply, pubescent 12 year old boy. The stress that I’ve been dealing with lately has only worsened that. Enter: Clean and Clear‘s Advantage Acne Spot Treatment. While I still have the occasional breakout, this stuff is AT LEAST keeping my face from erupting like an archipelago made entirely of Mount Vesuvius-esque zits. I know, I have a gross way with words.

Finally, and most importantly:

Hall of Fame

Talk about a killer lineup. This row of Autumn Seasonal beers will all be consumed in the not-too-distant future, as I intend to do an EXPERT review on my favorites.  Keep an eye out.

What’s keeping your spirits up lately?

What are your favorite products? Come on, spill, it’s good karma!!

Also of interest: This Article about the Best and Worst Products at Trader Joe’s ALSO inspired today’s post!! What are your favorites? Or least favorites?

Thank Goodness for Bloggers!

Hey there everyone!

I’m so happy that you all enjoyed my Live Tweeting: 30 Day Shred Level 1 post! I’ll admit, I’m more than a little proud of that one, and the idea of all of you laughing along with me just brought a smile to my face.  We laugh so we don’t cry from the pain, sweat, and tears, right?

Since I’m getting ready to fly home this weekend for the wedding shower of my cousin (the one that was postponed due to stupid Irene), I’ve been playing catch-up with my produce drawer and trying to eat every veggie/fruit in sight!

Dinner last night

I put together a monstrous sammy on a Sandwich Thin full of spinach, tomato, and chicken. On the side, grapes and a few cucumber slices, though I ate most of them by the time this picture was snapped.

Salad monster. Goodness, I hate knee shots.

Both of these meals were brought to you (er… me) by the masters of pre-cooked chicken.

Truly a short cut

These Perdue Short Cuts were actually purchased a week or so ago via a tip from a local coupon blogger and some Harris Teeter Triple Coupons, ringing up for nearly free (like…. a dollar?) Awesome. They’ve been making up the protein of my past several meals as of late. Not too shabby.

Also, this is the first time in a long while that I’ve eaten spinach right off the stem.  Guess what the result was?

Yummy? Yummy.

I also just wanted to take a hot second to thank a few bloggers who have inspired me lately.  I can’t really give too much away why, secret events and such, but here goes nothing:

Jessica from How Sweet Eats for inspiring my first from-scratch baked good as a one bedroom broad

Other Jessica from Healthy Dairy Land for always being supportive

EVERYONE who writes at Thought Catalog  for writing some of the funniest, most thought-provoking pieces I’ve read in a while

The Bloggess, who tried so hard to Put a Bird On It

Sierra of Posh Meets Pavement for proving to me the power of blogs, even across oceans and continents, in reuniting friends

Are there any bloggers lately who’ve inspired you, taught you, or made you laugh?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Live Tweeting: 30 Day Shred – Level 1

Oh my goodness.

I’m 80% sure I’m about to die.

After 10 days of the 30 Day Shred – Level 1, I was feeling pretty badass.  Then…. Level 2. I’m floored with the difference between the two.  As I mentioned, I’m shredding for the wedding (of my cousin)  so it’s a pretty big deal.

Deep breaths. (click for source)

I’ve been waiting to write this post since Day 1, Level 1.  Every day that I meet with my girls, Jillian, Anita, and Natalie, I have a little conversation. Sure, it’s mostly one sided. But I wanted to share it with you all. Since the fun times at the Healthy Living Summit, when I realized the joy of live tweeting from a conference, I’ve thought about how I could share that fun with each person that reads my blog.  Here’s my chance.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present:

Live Tweeting: 30 Day Shred – Level 1

The cast?

Jillian: Mistress of Shedding

Twitter Handle: Jshred

“Take It Easy” Anita

Twitter handle: EasyA

“Billy Badass” Natalie

Twitter handle: NatDawg

Jordan “Can these be my handweights?” Price

Twitter handle: foodsweatnbeers

Let us begin:

foodsweatnbeers: oh, neat, ok, we’re just strolling in here, all relaxed. This shouldn’t be too bad.

foodsweatnbeers: Hey Jillian, thanks for introducing yourself….

foodsweatnbeers: I hate that she calls these women “my two best girls.” I’m already sick of her voice.

Jshred: Well, they are my best girls.  AREN’T YOU, LADIES?

Natdawg: Yeah, J. We’re your best girls.

EasyA: #terrrified

foodsweatnbeers: I’m probably tough enough to follow @Natdawg. I got this. Warmup time!

Jshred: Big Movement. Don’t be static.

EasyA: I’d like to take this time to let everyone know that I will spend the next 20 mins flexing my abs.

Flexing is FUN! (click for source)

foodsweatnbeers: Great. Thanks, Anita.

EasyA: I’ll also be more flexible than you, Jillian, and Natalie. K?

foodsweatnbeers: w/e. I’m trying to windmill over here.

Jshred: I just don’t want anyone to get injured. That’s why we’ll be doing infinite jumping jacks.

foodsweatnbeers: sure. that makes sense. you’re approximately a doctor.  Hip circles always remind me of spongebob.

Bring it arounnnnnd town. (click for source)

Jshred: SHUT UP AND JUMP JACKS WITH ME!

foodsweatnbeers: oh no. Pushups. Just try to do at least 8 with Natalie.

EasyA: What’s that supposed to mean?

NatDawg: Get on my level.

foodsweatnbeers: I’m pretty sure I could squat forever. Those pushups were tough but I think I feel good about this.

NatDawg: Well, if you’re so tough: Get. On. My. Level. Literally.

foodsweatnbeers: Can’t squat that low. Bad knees. #sorryimnotsorry

Jshred: pushup time, b*tches.

foodsweatnbeers: (after 2 toe pushups) I HAVE NO ARMS! THEY’RE FALLING OFF RIGHT NOW!

JShred: Just don’t phone this in, Jordan.

foodsweatnbeers: Wait. Was that an option? Is there a number I can call?

EasyA: Squats are fun when you don’t do them!

foodsweatnbeers: 2 minutes of cardio? I do BodyAttack on the regular. What is this, a joke?

(after 30 more jumping jacks and half a minute of jump rope)

foodsweatnbeers: What was I thinking?! I HAVE NO FITNESS! Hey, @NatDawg, have you ever really jumproped in your life?

NatDawg: Nope. I just assume that it requires you to swing your arms around uncontrollably, right?

Is this jumproping?

foodsweatnbeers: #panting

Jshred: (Some sort of inspiration BS. At this point, I’ve stopped listening.)

foodsweatnbeers: Ab time. Basic crunches. Woo!

EasyA: HEY! Everyone! Come see how good I look!! Do you like my ribs?

foodsweatnbeers: (under my breath) Definitely not.

NatDawg: Some of us are focusing on exercise, not belly baring shirts, Anita.

EasyA: Wait. So you don’t like my ribs?

JShred: Circuit 2! Grab those weights!

foodsweatnbeers: Oooh neat, a row. so glad this isn’t a pushup.

JShred: What I really like is that no one is phoning this in.

foodsweatnbeers: You’re saying it again. #nonsensicalphrases

Jshred: I’d like everyone to look at how tough Natalie is. She goes deep and lunges hard. AIM TO BE @NATDAWG!

foodsweatnbeers: Hey! @NatDawg! I SAW THAT!! BUSTED!

****REAL TALK: Everyone, in circuit two, after Jillian just spends a minute bragging about her prodigy, Natalie, they pan over to Anita. Natalie takes this time to NOT LUNGE! When I saw this, I had a rage blackout. 

I WILL SWORD YOU RIGHT IN THE BODY!

NatDawg, you’re just as weak as the rest of us.****

foodsweatnbeers: @EasyA, are you flexing right now?

EasyA: (through gritted teeth) No….. er… my abs always look like this.

foodsweatnbeers: oh. Must be nice.

NatDawg: When I grin like this, do I look like a possessed lunatic?

Demon or workout inspiration? Now you don’t have to choose.

All: No… definitely not. It’s…. cute. #sarcasm

foodsweatnbeers: (mentally) I wonder what kinds of faces Jillian makes when she’s having sex. If they’re anything like this…. #poorsexpartners

You like that? (click for source)

Jshred: Are you thinking and not doing butt kicks?!

foodsweatnbeers: No, ma’am. (Kicks butt, NatDawg style). Oooh, punching! This is kind of like BodyCombat!

JShred: No, no, this is a completely original exercise I made up.

EasyA: Hey! All! It’s Ab-time! Check out these ribs!!

NatDawg: I’m so glad I wore a shirt.

EasyA: I accidentally forgot mine.

foodsweatnbeers: Yeah, right. #accidentally?

JShred: Circuit 3 time! FOCUS!

foodsweatnbeers: I love Chest Flies so much.

JShred: Little do you know what I’ve got in store for you.

foodsweatnbeers: OH MY GOD! Anterior raises will be the end of me…. Tell my mother I love her, I’m pretty sure I’m dying.

It’s been real, Mom.

NatDawg: Sometimes, when I’m taking a nap, I wake up and I’m sleep-side lunging with anterior raises.

foodsweatnbeers: Ok, Natalie, we get it. You’re in shape.

NatDawg: What? Oh, sorry, I was looking at my delts in the mirror.

Yeah.

foodsweatnbeers: NM.

JShred: You guys like jumping jacks, right?

foodsweatnbeers: Oooh! yeah! My calves are craving some further abuse!

EasyA: When I get in a fight, I’ll know how to punch from this video!

NatDawg: If that poor girl ever got in a fight, she’d snap like a twig.

EasyA: Jump ropes are fun!

foodsweatnbeers: #eyeroll

JShred: Bicycle crunches are named that by their inventor, William James Bicycle Esq.

foodsweatnbeers: Do you have a citation for that fact?

JShred: er…. quick! Look at @EasyA’s ribs!

Looking good, Anita! (click for source)

foodsweatnbeers: Ugh, whatever.

At this point, I normally push through those damn bicycle crunches, stretch on my own, and curse Anita for being a silly looking ninny.

Hope you enjoyed joining me for a quality workout.  Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have an exorcism to attend.

I will eat your heart.

foodsweatnbeers:

Top 6 Toilet Tips for Frequent Trips

TGIT(hursday) *y’all!

Glad to see that some of you were intrigued or interested by the Crème Brûlée by Southern Tier! I know it was a little early in the day for a beer post, but it’s a dessert beer so it all works out, right? Right.

Anyway, today marks my first day back on the Weight Watchers plan. After doing some calculations, and beep bopping some numbers, I learned that my allotted Points + total is 32 for the day. With a tasty (and boring) breakfast of cereal and almond milk and a most delicious salad, with dessert, I’m up to 10 points so far.

Classic 6 point salad

I was surprised at how much cheese really is in 1/4 cup, and think that I don’t really need that in the future. Good to know.

When I first started my Weight Watchers journey back in March of 2010, I realized that I was drinking a LOT more water.  I know it’s great to stay hydrated and I was exercising much more, and because it filled me up. Oh, and everyone else that I talked to raved about the benefits of chugging  64+ oz/day.  So other than my desk, this became my most frequently visited spot in the office:

Featuring my neon pink water cup.

As a result, this was the third most frequent spot I visited:

Yup, the bathroom. Featuring my neon pink OUTFIT!

With a bladder the size of a shot glass, I spend more time visiting the little girls room than I ever have. I probably wake up to use the restroom at least 3x every night. It’s actually a bit of a pain.

In case others were feeling my pain, though, I decided to come up with my top ways of spending all that extra tinkle time.

1. Find the Shape in the Cloud

Oooh, fancy artwork.

So often, bathrooms feature very abstract artsy looking paintings and decorations. And sometimes, I find that a hilarious thing to do is approach them like one does when one is looking up at the clouds.

“Hey! Is that a ravioli in the flower? That one looks like an evil eye! Sweet, I see a clown!”

2. Makeover Madness!

Clearly, I take great care of my makeup.

When using the bathroom at home, why don’t you take a chance to practice that smokey eye you’ve been trying to master? Or perhaps practice your face painting because Halloween’s right around the corner! Get creative! There’s no reason that bathroom time can’t also be beautification time!

3. Angry Birds

Why so serious?

You know you do it. Smart Phones (or dumb phones, for that matter) were meant to be toted into the toilet room and played with. Why do you think they invented Snake?

Poor man's Angry Birds?

4. Familiarize Yourself with Febreze

Looks.... healthy.

Sure, you spray this around your house and bathroom when either is smelling “not so fresh”. But are you really familiar with the ingredients and risk? OR the Good Housekeeping awards it has won?

Febreze is your Friend. Get to know it better.

5. Mediate the Mess

Darn Junk Drawer

If you’re anything like me, the drawers in your bathroom are, by far, the craziest ones in the home. Take some time to remedy that by organizing the junk you’ve collected. Mine’s closer to the toilet than even the TP Roll, so why I haven’t done this one, I’ll never know. This one is clearly an example of me not practicing what I preach. Maybe next time.

6. Make lists of other things to do in the bathroom.

Because someone’s gotta do it.

I know I’m not the only one that slams 64-80 oz of water everyday, so share some love.

Do you have any mindless tasks you do on your countless trips to the bathroom?

Southern Tier Brewing Company Crème Brûlée (Imperial Milk Stout)

Ok, I have a treat for you all. A delicious, sweet, creamy treat. And the best part?

It’s a beer.

I went to my buddy Katie’s Labor Day BBQ on Monday with my dearest pal, Veronika, and we toted along a delicious Buffalo Chicken Dip that was only the tip of a delicious iceberg that was the “spread”.

Buffalo Chicken Dip in the front, actual buffalo chicken wings on the left

Cherries, pasta salad, all the chips and dips, clementines, collard greens, green peppers, and carrots. Mmmm!

But that really wasn’t the treat I meant (though these were all treats).

That's the money shot.

Sweating in my hand is 22 oz of tastiness in the form of a bottle of Southern Tier Brewing‘s Crème Brûlée Imperial Milk Stout.

Described by the brewer:

We are not the harbingers of truth as some may suggest but it may indeed be argued that our brewing philosophy is tantamount to a dessert with a bellicose past. How, you may ask, would a brewery determine a likeness to hard-coated custard? Our response is simple; it’s all in the power of history, and of course, the extra finesse needed to top off a contentious treat with definition.

By comprehending the labyrinthine movement of time, one would not think it strange to trace the errant path of an ordinary object such as a cream dessert only to discover that it has been the cause of cultural disputes since the middle ages. The British founders of burnt cream and from Spain, crema catalana, both stand by their creative originality and we respect that, but it was the French Crème Brûlée, amid the strife of contention, that survived to represent our deliciously creamy brew.

9.6% ABV

Wow. That’s a lot of words to describe this beer (or not even really describe it. Either way, it’s a lot of words.)

Here’s my description: This is a beer for every dessert lover out there. It’s a beer that I genuinely believe could even win the hearts of devout “non-beer drinkers” and beer drinkers alike. It’s sweet, it’s creamy, and, when served cold, it’s better than any popsicle I’ve had (except maybe Locopopsmaybe). And by God, if it doesn’t taste like Crème Brûlée!!

The smell resembled a rich vanilla, the taste kept that vanilla party going with a few hints of coffee or cocoa (I’m looking forward to trying their Mokah Imperial Stout soon, bottle of that waiting in the fridge). The mouthfeel was so creamy that we decided to do a little experiment, for the sake of science.

Do I dare?

Oh, yes. I dared.

One scoop of vanilla ice cream + a liberal pouring of Crème Brûlée Imperial Milk Stout + blender = best boozy milkshake I’ve ever had in my entire life.

Here’s the thing about this beer: I don’t think I could’ve had more than the one, at least not in one night. It’s a special treat, but I enjoyed every last drop. If you’re curious to try a beer that doesn’t really taste like a beer…. try this beer. If you already taste many beers on a regular basis, still try this beer. It’s a beer that isn’t like any other one I’ve tried. And I’d totally recommend it.

It pairs nicely with ribs AND with Paul's crazy face!

Now, all I need to do is get a hold of their infamous Pumking!!

Have you ever tried a dessert beer? How about a beer milkshake?  Or any other kind of creamy boozy drink? 

I used to be a big fan of the occasional White Russian. Smooth and tasty. But cream and booze…. you can only take it so far before someone gets very ill (I assume, that’s one experience I’ve never had, thank goodness!)