Things I Wish I’d Hear in the “Healthy Living” Sphere

It’s essential that everyone living, healthily or otherwise, doesn’t take themselves too seriously. And this post is about just that.

This is super serial, y'all.

This is super serial, y’all.

I came to this gym to flirt with muscly dudes and drink my Jamba Juice… and I’m all outta Jamba Juice.

 

Lemme tell you a secret about this smoothie bowl… it may LOOK like a disgusting swamp monster’s damp lair…. but it also tastes terrible.

Just get pancakes.

Just get pancakes.

There is a WRONG and a RIGHT way to do Zumba. If you can’t figure out the choreography, just leave now. Don’t waste my time.

 

Here’s a fun trick with lifting weights: form doesn’t matter half as much as how well your Wunder Unders fit. Just go for quick jerky motions to get it over with, try to use as much of your back as possible. What season are those crops, seriously?

 

When do you think they’ll start doing ‘Cold Yoga’? I’m not really into sweating.

 

I can’t f*cking stand protein. Real talk: I want nothing to do with it.

 

I think I’m just going to wear sweats to Pure Barre today. Do you think anyone will notice?

Appropriate?

Appropriate?

I know that endorphins are supposed to be released when you run but I think all that comes out of my brain is acetylcholine…

 

I kinda like yoga pants that are sheer. When I’m in down dog, they are a seamless transition from the studio to the street corner.

 

I’m pretty sure that the 25 minutes you spent on the elliptical didn’t ‘earn you that froyo’, Jordan. That thing cost you $10.59. What’s that, like… 2 pounds of froyo? Jesus Christ. Is that an entire slice of cheesecake in there?

Walked up the stairs instead of taking the elevator... #earnedit

Walked up the stairs instead of taking the elevator… #earnedit

Got any good ones? (This was TOO fun to write.)

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “Things I Wish I’d Hear in the “Healthy Living” Sphere

  1. “Chia seeds are perfect for snacking on the go, you eat them now and your teeth save them for later!” “This month I will only be eating products that contain HFCS, gluten, trans fats and/or dairy because I like to live dangerously.”

Leave me some love!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s