It’s essential that everyone living, healthily or otherwise, doesn’t take themselves too seriously. And this post is about just that.

I came to this gym to flirt with muscly dudes and drink my Jamba Juice… and I’m all outta Jamba Juice.

 

Lemme tell you a secret about this smoothie bowl… it may LOOK like a disgusting swamp monster’s damp lair…. but it also tastes terrible.

There is a WRONG and a RIGHT way to do Zumba. If you can’t figure out the choreography, just leave now. Don’t waste my time.

 

Here’s a fun trick with lifting weights: form doesn’t matter half as much as how well your Wunder Unders fit. Just go for quick jerky motions to get it over with, try to use as much of your back as possible. What season are those crops, seriously?

 

When do you think they’ll start doing ‘Cold Yoga’? I’m not really into sweating.

 

I can’t f*cking stand protein. Real talk: I want nothing to do with it.

 

I think I’m just going to wear sweats to Pure Barre today. Do you think anyone will notice?

I know that endorphins are supposed to be released when you run but I think all that comes out of my brain is acetylcholine…

 

I kinda like yoga pants that are sheer. When I’m in down dog, they are a seamless transition from the studio to the street corner.

 

I’m pretty sure that the 25 minutes you spent on the elliptical didn’t ‘earn you that froyo’, Jordan. That thing cost you $10.59. What’s that, like… 2 pounds of froyo? Jesus Christ. Is that an entire slice of cheesecake in there?

Got any good ones? (This was TOO fun to write.)